Legal and marriage counsellor Stella Justice Nnennaya urges parents to build self-esteem through positive communication, emotional support and healthy discipline
By Abike Balogu
ABUJA, Nigeria — June 29, 2026
Child development experts have long maintained that confidence is one of the strongest predictors of a child’s emotional resilience, academic success and future interpersonal relationships. However, family advocate and legal practitioner Stella Justice Nnennaya has warned that many parents unknowingly engage in everyday behaviours that gradually erode their children’s self-confidence.
In a parenting reflection shared through her Legal and Marriage Clinic platform, Nnennaya identified twelve common parenting habits she believes may weaken a child’s emotional development if left unchecked.
Her message emphasizes that confidence is not an inherited trait but one cultivated through consistent love, encouragement, guidance and healthy communication within the family.
Confidence Begins at Home
According to Nnennaya, the home remains a child’s first classroom, where beliefs about self-worth, capability and identity are formed long before the child encounters the wider society.
She argues that while many parents desire confident children, certain parenting patterns unintentionally create fear, insecurity and self-doubt.
“Confidence is built at home before it is tested in the world,” she noted.
Twelve Parenting Habits Parents Should Avoid
Nnennaya highlighted twelve behaviours that, in her view, may negatively affect children’s confidence over time:
1. Excessive Criticism
Constant criticism without constructive correction may cause children to internalize failure rather than learn from mistakes.
2. Comparing Children
Frequently comparing children with siblings, classmates or neighbours can create feelings of inadequacy and resentment instead of healthy motivation.
3. Preventing Independence
Parents who never allow children to make mistakes or solve problems independently may unintentionally limit the development of resilience and decision-making skills.
4. Ignoring Effort
Failing to acknowledge genuine effort and achievement can reduce a child’s motivation and willingness to embrace new challenges.
5. Punishment Without Explanation
Discipline that lacks explanation may produce fear rather than understanding, limiting opportunities for positive behavioural growth.
6. Dismissing Children’s Opinions
Repeatedly silencing children with statements such as “Keep quiet, you’re just a child” may discourage healthy communication and self-expression.
7. Conditional Love
Showing affection only when children perform well academically or behave perfectly may lead them to associate love with achievement rather than acceptance.
8. Public Humiliation
Embarrassing or insulting children in public can damage their self-esteem and affect their social confidence.
9. Demanding Perfection
Setting unrealistic standards may create anxiety and fear of failure instead of encouraging healthy ambition.
10. Lack of Quality Time
Busy schedules that leave little room for meaningful parent-child interaction may weaken emotional bonding and reduce children’s sense of security.
11. Negative Labels
Calling children names such as “lazy,” “stubborn,” “useless” or “stupid” can shape how they perceive themselves and influence future behaviour.
12. Discouraging Words
Replacing encouragement with statements like “You can’t do it” may gradually undermine confidence, whereas words of reassurance help build resilience and perseverance.
The Lasting Power of Parents’ Words
Child psychologists have consistently noted that children’s early experiences and parental communication significantly influence emotional development and self-esteem.
Nnennaya echoed this view, reminding parents that the language they use daily often becomes the internal voice children carry into adulthood.
“The words you speak today may become the voice your child hears for the rest of their life,” she cautioned.
Building Emotionally Healthy Children
Parenting experts generally recommend replacing harsh criticism with constructive feedback, celebrating effort alongside achievement, encouraging problem-solving, listening respectfully to children’s opinions and maintaining consistent expressions of love regardless of performance.
These practices, experts say, help children develop confidence, resilience and healthy emotional intelligence.
As conversations around children’s mental health and emotional wellbeing continue to gain attention, Nnennaya’s message serves as a reminder that confidence is shaped through everyday family interactions rather than isolated moments.
While no parent is perfect, intentional communication, patient guidance and unconditional support can play a critical role in raising children who are prepared to face life’s challenges with courage and self-belief.
Ultimately, the question confronting every parent is not merely whether children succeed academically, but whether they are growing into emotionally secure individuals capable of believing in themselves.
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